Simplifying Kids' Birthday Parties

For a looooong time I've been on a personal mission to help people simplify kids' birthday parties. I can't tell you how much pressure and stress these events cause my friends and clients and it's just so totally unnecessary. When I was a kid, we had birthday parties sometimes but the guests never even brought gifts. The cake, the ice cream and the gathering itself was the gift. These days, if you're not spending the equivalent of a year of college tuition on your kid's birthday, you feel like an unfit parent.

I'm going on record to say that's total BULL.  Listen to this recent episode of Vicky and Jen's podcast What Really Matters, as they talk with Michelle West of Birthdays Without Pressure. It's a great show! I've been saying for a long time now...

that kids only know what you show them and they're happy with sooo much less than parents think. They really don't need a bunch of new toys every birthday, and for Pete's sake, be the first on your block to stop giving the dreaded goodie bag.  I (not-so-affectionately) call these Little Bags of Crap because let's face it, no kid needs to come to a birthday party and leave with a bag of cheap trinkets to add to their own clutter at home. Ack!

Another thing that really fuels my fire about birthday party goodie bags is that it sets a bad example and it's a HUGE missed learning opportunity for kids. A birthday party is the perfect time to teach your kid that everything is actually NOT about him and it also teaches him to be a gracious guest when it's someone else's turn to be the center of attention. Teaching your kids that their birthday is second only to the Second Coming contributes to creating an ungrateful, spoiled, entitlement-minded child who is ill-equipped to live in society as a healthy, balanced adult.

Just as parents teaching the concepts of sharing, kindness, and generosity, I believe learning to be gracious and being aware of others outside of themselves is so important for kids to learn.  I'm ranting... gee, can you tell this is a hot button for me? What are your thoughts and experiences with birthdays and how you've been able to simplify your kids birthdays.

Comments

[Jeri Dansky]

As someone without kids, I've only recently become aware of the whole gigantic party/goodie bag phenomena - and I'm appalled. Thanks for a great post.

[Kristen]

Amen! Having been a former daycare worker, I can attest to the ridiculous nature of these parties. I had parents of two year olds inviting the ENTIRE class to the party (that was about 16 kids).

[Monica Ricci]

Thanks Jeri and Kristen for your comments. If you couldn't tell, I'm pretty passionate about this topic. :)
~Monica

Having two adolescent boys, I've lived through this already and managed not to succumb. They've each had one "big" party in their lifetime: one had his at a bowling party and the other had it at a local arcade. The gift bags included tokens for them to use onsite at each place, and everything else in the bag was edible.

Because, like you, birthdays weren't like this growing up. It's always been a family affair for me, and if friends were involved, being allowed to invite them over was all the gift that was required.

When my kids were little, we frequently turned down the invitations because I really didn't want to set a precedent. And I think because of that, they have a better understanding of what birthdays are supposed to be about. When they're invited these days, they aren't all that interested in going, and they help their friends celebrate in their own way.

[Simple Mom]

This year my Mother-in-Law requested men's tube socks for her birthday instead of gifts. She wants to donate them to the needy at Christ Cathedral Church. I'm hoping this will start a new tradition within our family and trickle down to the young children who will be in attendance at the party.

[Melinda]

Unfortunately, in my daughter's school, if you invite one child, you have to invite the whole class. You know, so "no feelings get hurt." So we don't have big parties. We have them with our adopted family, and that's it. I did hand out goody bags, but it was for 6 kids. And I don't put things in the bags, that I wouldn't use myself.

[Monica Ricci]

Simple Mom, thanks for your comment, what a cool idea your MIL had! I do think that children at their core have a very giving spirit and would embrace this idea.

Melinda, are you saying if you call the parents of a few of your child's favorite friends from his class and invite only them to your child's birthday party, the SCHOOL will be up in arms? Pleeeeeez tell me that's not what you mean.
~Monica

[Melinda]

I mean it's written into the school rules that you can not hand out invitations at school unless you hand them out to the whole class. Since I don't know any of the other parents, and since I keep parties limited to family anyway, I usually don't bother with invitations.

Hugs,
Melinda

[Monica Ricci]

Melinda,
I actually do agree with not handing out invitations publicly if not everyone will get one. To me, that's just common courtesy.
~Monica

[Ariane Benefit, Neat & Simple Living]

Amen! The whole "give every guest a goodie back" thing must stop! It's amazing how much trouble these things cause. If not for the clutter or waste of money issue, at least for the landfill issue - it has to stop! Great post!