Penelope Green penned an article that ran in last Thursday's New York Times, examining the "backlash" against order and against those of use who make our living helping others bring order to their chaotic lives. Here's an excerpt:
Stop feeling bad, say the mess apologists. There are more urgent things to worry about. Irwin Kula is a rabbi based in Manhattan and author of “Yearnings: Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life,” which was published by Hyperion in September. “Order can be profane and life-diminishing,” he said the other day. “It’s a flippant remark, but if you’ve never had a messy kitchen, you’ve probably never had a home-cooked meal. Real life is very messy, but we need to have models about how that messiness works.”
Hmmmm frankly that sounds a little sour grapes to me. I will grant the good rabbi, that yes, TOO MUCH order, restrictive order, obsessive-compulsive order can indeed be profane and life-diminishing. But who says we organizing experts advocate or work toward any of those things with our clients? Now, I'm sure there might be those few among our ranks who don a leather corset and patent leather boots before...
dominating their clients into neatly stacked, orderly submission. However, I sincerely doubt it. Here's another piece:
As a corollary, the book’s authors examine the high cost of neatness — measured in shame, mostly, and family fights, as well as wasted dollars — and generally have a fine time tipping over orthodoxies and poking fun at clutter busters and their ilk, and at the self-help tips they live or die by. They wonder: Why is it better to pack more activities into one day? By whose standards are procrastinators less effective than their well-scheduled peers? Why should children have to do chores to earn back their possessions if they leave them on the floor, as many professional organizers suggest?
Oh the assumptions abound! If someone (ahem -- author) would have interviewed even one organizing expert, she'd have probably found that a core principle that we teach our clients is to NOT try to "pack more activities into one day". As to procrastination, I'm not out to "rehab" procrastinators against their will. If you want to put your life off for later, have at it. It's none of my business. However, in all my years in business, I have never once met someone who feels good about their procrastination habit. Not once. Without exception, they say it makes them feel guilty, unproductive, and many feel powerless to change what they call their "bad habit".
And if I have to explain why children should have to do chores for any reason, let alone to earn back possessions that they haven't cared for, that's pretty sad. A child's first society is the family, where it is incumbent upon their parents to teach them the skills necessary for a productive life out in the world. Giving children household responsibilities teaches them accountability, self-sufficiency, responsibility, and how to adapt to boundaries they may not choose for themselves. It also helps develop their self-esteem and confidence. These traits and skills are all crucial for functioning well in society, but they must first be learned at home, or they will be painfully learned once out of the home. Another tasty sliver:
Mess is also natural, as Mr. Freedman and Mr. Abrahamson (co-authors of "A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder") point out, and a real time-saver. “It takes extra effort to neaten up a system,” they write. “Things don’t generally neaten themselves.”
No they indeed don't neaten themselves. (Is this revelation?) If you don't care enough to clean up after yourself, that's a whole other issue that's not really my problem. But as for mess being a time saver... methinks someone is in fantasyland. That's like the college buddy who says "I drive better when I've had a few beers" or how you rationalize not wearing a seatbelt because of the minuscule chance that the seatbelt jams and traps you inside the car. Ummmm okay, maybe your buddy really does think he drives more carefully when he's had a few, but science says differently. And maybe one in a million seatbelts DO jam. But in general odds are you'll be safer if you drive sober and wear your seatbelt.
We can rationalize anything, so maybe being messy is for some people, a perceived time-saver in the short run. However, repeating the same behaviors time after time, looking for lost items time after time, re-buying items you thought you had but can't find time after time... that's pretty clearly NOT the best use of time and it certainly doesn't SAVE time. Oh, and to the point that "mess is natural". Yeah, well so is crawling on our hands and knees and pooping in our panties but most of us enjoy life more when we reach out of our comfort zones and learn to walk and potty train. But I digress...
This article embraces some seriously misguided assumptions, the most offensive of which is that organizers seek to confine clients, deny their personalities and organize the life and creativity right out of them. Stepford Clients! I know, I know, it's easy to criticize what you don't appreciate or can't achieve for yourself. Oh I get it. It's easy -- even fun -- to call the size two supermodel a bitch when you're an average size ten chick like me.
Similarly, it's simple to vilify and pigeonhole organizing experts by implying that we're controlling, repressed, shrew-like creatures who can't relate to creativity and can't possibly understand the joy of reminiscing about the first outfit your baby wore. Suuuure, it's a piece of cake to suggest that we take a special glee in creating sterile, austere homes and offices where family members and employees dutifully goose-step, daring not to leave one sock unmatched or one paper unfiled. We're an easy target for the rationalizing "messies" of the world who like to imagine that we demand and expect perfection of ourselves and others. I grant you, that IS the easiest thing to assume, and yet thankfully, nothing could be further from the truth.
However, discovering that would have taken a bit of research, reading a few articles by organizers, or interviewing an organizing expert, which it appears Ms. Green was perhaps too busy -- or too disorganized -- to bother with. One can only wonder. The bottom line is this: We're not recruiting. Got it?
We don't stand on street corners proselytizing and wearing sandwich boards that say "Organize Or Perish! The End Is Near!" Personally, it's not in my best interest to spend my time trying to change people who are perfectly happy wallowing in whatever chaos they've created, and frankly, it's none of my business. I don't really care if someone wants to live knee-deep in old newspapers or save every movie ticket they've ever paid for. I really don't. It's not my life.
But for those who DO want something different, I'm here. And so are the rest of us. We stand by ready to help -- not judge. Ready to dig in and get busy clearing out the past, the baggage, the weight that keeps people physically and mentally stuck and unhappy. And for me, it's about helping people see that they have choices and they can create a different result for their lives if they want to. It's about helping them learn new skills, new habits, new mindsets, and giving them permission and encouragement to regain control of their lives so they can be the best, most joyful, most powerful human they can be.
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