5 Ways Being Selfish Serves The World

Selfish. It's a loaded word, just like simple is. Historically both have had negative connotations. Simple can mean intellectually inferior and is often used as an insult. Yet when I say I help people create simple, joyful, powerful lives, it means something very different.

The same is true for "selfish." Nobody really wants to be thought of as selfish -- you certainly don't want to overhear a conversation where the selfish SOB being discussed is YOU. We're all familiar with the classic case of The Sacrifice Mom who always puts her kids' and husband's needs ahead of her own. Who wins in that scenario? Certainly not mom. She ends up exhausted, stressed out, cranky and perhaps resentful. The husband and kids don't win either, because even though she's sacrificing her own wellbeing to care for them, she's definitely no fun to be around.

I'd like to propose that we shift our perception of the word selfish, and give it another chance.

Think about this... is the man who takes precious time away from his family to golf twice a month being selfish? Is the woman who tells her children "No you may not come on vacation with me and Daddy" being selfish? How about the boss who reduces his open-door office hours from all-day-every-day to just a few times a day? Or the busy grandmother who would rather miss a ladies luncheon than skip her daily appointment at the gym?

If it were up to me I'd call those activities perfectly acceptable examples of self-care, or if we want to be less clinical, perhaps the word "self-interest" is more appropriate. There's nothing wrong with being self-interested, and in fact, it's an important part of the human condition which helps ensure our survival. Self-interest ensures that you do what's necessary to take care of yourself -- you take responsibility for your own happiness,  set healthy boundaries and treat yourself well.

Here are 5 ways being self-interested serves those around you:

1. Service.
A pump over a dry well can't quench anyone's thirst. When you're depleted, how much good are you to other people? EXACTLY. None! But when you take steps to be sure your own needs are met, you're much better equipped to attend to the needs of others.

2. Engagement.
When you take time to do things you enjoy, you're employing Stephen Covey's 7th Habit, Sharpen The Saw. This recharge allows you to be more clear-headed, engaged and effective in your life, work and decision-making, and when you sharpen your saw, you're not resentful of time spent giving and doing for others.

3. Inspiration.
When you set boundaries to limit your exposure to drama, chaos or incompetence, you're also setting an example and inspiring others who may need desperately to do the same thing, but have trouble doing it themselves. Your example is a powerful thing.

4. Growth.
When you put your own needs and responsibilities ahead of those who are too dependent on you, you give those people a wonderful gift -- self-reliance. They learn to solve problems, be more independent, they become resilient and ultimately they grow.

5. Understanding.
When you deliberately allocate time and energy to do things which serve you -- your health, your happiness, your peace of mind, your personal and professional growth -- you understand when others do it too. You are no longer hurt or annoyed when someone takes steps to care for themselves because you understand the importance of it.

One way you can take a stand and do something good for YOU, (whether your spouse or kids are on board or not), is to organize part of your life that's not working.

Choose something that's hindering your happiness or effectiveness, even in a small way. Simplifying processes, setting relationship boundaries, creating easy life management systems and communicating your wants and needs clearly... these are all ways you can be healthily self-interested, and in the process, be better in every way, for the people around you.

 

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